Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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