i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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