guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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