Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
