so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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