love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
