I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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