haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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