the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
