I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
