last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
