new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The air taste purple.
Randomize
