So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
