At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
