maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
