i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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