the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
