it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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