she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
