it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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