please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
