Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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