Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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