you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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