So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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