Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
