I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
