overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
should my penis look like a turkey
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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