Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
