Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
