you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
either way he was missing a nipple.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
