Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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