Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
