I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
