I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
