My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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