Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
