the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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