I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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