Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
bring money and cleavage
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
