I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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