dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
