he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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