That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
