Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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