Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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