Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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