Don't you send me to vm
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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