She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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