taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
