I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
