His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
