i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
