and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
