She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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