Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
