all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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