one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
