my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think i have two assholes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
