every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
