i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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