im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
