I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
