Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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