I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
