i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
