Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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