so explain again why im purple
no
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
