he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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