i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
