Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
